One important aspect of socialization that people don’t take into account is that socialization is different at different ages. For example – do you socialize daily and chat on the phone with your friends all the time and go to parties like you did in High School? If not, does that mean you are not socializing anymore? Would it be appropriate for your kindergartener to have the social life you did as a high school student? This simple example can illustrate to people that socialization is different a different ages.
This parent modeling remains important throughout their life, however, it is essential and should be the majority of their social experience during the early childhood years. Many parents make the mistake of thinking “socialization” needs to happen outside the home at all times and don’t realize that during the early childhood years adult-child socialization is the most important element to create a strong, confident child with a strong family base. Once the child reaches 1st or 2nd grade they start to venture out more into their immediate social surroundings. This means neighbors, extended family, friends and church and other close people.
However, these 1st and 2nd grade years are still not an appropriate time to throw the child into extensive or unfamiliar social situations on a regular basis. Focus on the people closest to your child. During these years they should spend time each week with a close friend, cousin, grandparent or other close person. It is not until third grade that the child is ready for a more extensive social experience – one that involves larger groups, regular rotations of unfamiliar people and people outside their regular social circle. However, it is also most appropriate at this 3rd an 4th grade age if the child’s social experiences are still chosen by the parent when possible. It is not until the child reaches 6th grade that they are emotionally ready to go “out into the world” and start making social choices “completely on their own” (at least let them think that ;). At this age your child may ask to join groups you may be unfamiliar with or start asking to visit friends you don’t even know. Allow them to venture out into these new social experiences (in a safe way of course).
As you can see, the natural progression of socialization starts with the family and reaches out slowly from there. This is also how learning progresses in Waldorf education – it starts with the child’s immediate surroundings and expands from there. If the child does not get the social time with their parent they need at this young age it is not going to come up again in the future as the future is full of expanding social opportunities and readiness levels. Be sure not to miss these early years of socialization with your child by thinking “socialization” has one definition that means “my child needs to meet as many people as possible”.
I am also aware that some of the things I have said above go against what modern society has pushed children into. Many groups are starting 3-5 year olds in organized soccer and other sports. This is not necessarily bad if they are doing it with their parent present at all time and with a group of steady close friends, but it is completely unnecessary for their social development at that age and some children may not even be ready for it. I always hope those children are allowed to stay home if they ask.
Also remember that each temperament has different social needs. A choleric child may require or ask for a constant rotation of “friends” starting at any age whereas a phlegmatic child may be happy holding onto mama’s coat-tails until they are twelve.
The fun part of having grown children now is I can go beyond sharing my experiences and teaching philosophies. I can go a step farther and say, “I have personal proof that it works too ;)”
My “coat-tail” phlegmatic started to venture out and became what other parents called, “very popular” when he was 12 and continues to be a well-liked popular child but does not always like to be social. He has the confidence to say “I just want to be by myself today”. My little choleric survived her “reduced” social life as a child and is now a constantly social teen with a large amount of confidence against any peer pressure and remains close to me as mother even during her (suposedly rebellious) teen years. That’s when I see her at all…her social schedule is quite full LOL!
Enjoy the journey and embrace the stages!
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