An Inner Work meditation for parents and teachers…
A few days ago I was listening to the radio and a popular song came on. It’s a song by Avicii and the refrain is, “So wake me up when it’s all over, When I’m wiser and I’m older, All this time I was finding myself, And I didn’t know I was lost”. My teens agree that one of the messages of this song is the singer trying to remind someone that learning is part of life and that as a young adult he’s not supposed to be “perfect” but is still in the process of finding himself.
The message in this song struck me as a strong one. How many times do we tell our own children, in different ways, “you might as well just wake up when you are older?” or, “you are so lost!” One of the biggest mistakes I always found myself making as a young parent, and even sometimes today with teens, is expecting too much out of them instead of honoring the learning process.
When a lamp is broken it can be seen as a child not listening to the parent that told them one hundred times not to run in the house OR it can be seen as a learning experience for a child who will probably remember after that experience that it is not such a good idea to run in the house.
When a child is screaming because they want a certain food it can be seen as a defiant “temper tantrum” or it can be seen as a learning experience for both the parent and child. What does that child and parent need to learn? That they need more sleep? That they have a low tolerance level for noise? That they need to bring snacks with them on long trips?
When a child is struggling to hold a paintbrush it can be seen as an example of a child who is “just not trying to do a simple task” or it can be part of the journey for a child who may not be ready to perform that (actually not simple) complex task of hand-eye coordination.
When a child spills all the cereal all over the floor it can be seen as “careless” or it can be seen as an opportunity to practice the skills of balance, accuracy and attention to detail.
Looking back over the past 18 years of being a mother I could probably come up with thousands of examples. However, the one thing all these examples have in common is that we have a choice – we can see them as opportunities to help the child on their journey to “finding themselves” or we can see them as opportunities to tell them, “why don’t you just wake up when you’re older and wiser and stop being so lost”.
The more I have grown in my own journey the more I have chosen the first option. What message do you want to give your own children today?
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